OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
