College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
