is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
