Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
