Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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