hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize