how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
