Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
