The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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