I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
