She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize