We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
