Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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