Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
