so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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