I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
