she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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