wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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