Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
