i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
