I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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