On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
