Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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