...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
