dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
