It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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