I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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