I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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