i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
