i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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