Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
