i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
