every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
