Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
