I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize