Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
