Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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