i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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