So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
