i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
