i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
