I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
