On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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