god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
