that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
