then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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