I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I had to cum in my sink.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
