Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
try to milk me bitch
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