i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
