I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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