i need an iv and a liver transplant
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
