I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
