he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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