thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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