dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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