I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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