who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
