just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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