Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
