then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
