Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
