I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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