i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
