i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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