youre lurking in front of me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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