Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
