don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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